Ghosts Are Like Onions
by dpluver
Summary: Maddie finds the ghost boy resting on her roof. Instead of immediately attacking, however, she's interested in hearing what he has to say. Because confronting a ghost punk is always more fun than making dinner for your family. snarky!Danny. Two-shot.
1. On the Roof

**Inspired by that line from Shrek, but not a crossover, I promise. Just a funny Maddie/Danny interaction with some snarky!Danny. Enjoy~**

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><p>Maddie was in the kitchen making dinner. It was her green onion and pepperoni casserole, Danny's favorite. He had gotten an A- on Lancer's test, so she figured this would be an appropriate reward for his hard work. She was just about to set the timer when her Ecto-Tracker alarm went off. It told her there was a spike in ectoplasmic activity just on the roof! Leaving her meal in the heated oven, Maddie sprinted up the stairs and up to the Op Center.<p>

Outside, she saw a faint glow coming from the west exit. Grabbing a small yet powerful ecto gun, she crept out the door to the source of the glowing. Step by step, she got closer until she rounded the corner and saw none other than Danny Phantom, sitting back and watching the sun set. _This is odd…_

"Phantom!" she yelled, pointing her gun at him.

"Wha-?" he jumped up and tried to run, but ran face-first into a metal silo. He gasped in pain and held his face. In spite of herself, Maddie nearly chuckled. Man, this ghost boy was a real klutz when caught off guard!

"What do you want?" he asked, eying her gun warily.

"Why aren't you in the Ghost Zone where the rest of you scum belong?"

Danny shook his head. "You see, this is where the majority of our problems originate. You assume I'm just this horrible being, and I can't get in any self-defensive arguments because you'll blow me to pieces before I can even finish a sentence."

"You just did," Maddie pointed out. He smacked his hand against his head. Maddie smirked. "Okay, Phantom. Despite the overwhelming evidence against you and others like you, I'm curious to hear what you have to say. Are you trying to tell me that some ghosts can be _good?_"

Danny frowned at the mocking tone in his mom's voice. "Well, I, uh…" This was more difficult than he had been anticipating. How could he explain the nature of ghosts in terms that would make sense without becoming suspicious? Smelling a waft of the casserole his mom had been in the middle of making, coming out of a nearby window, he had an idea. "You see, ghosts are like…onions."

"Putrid."

"No!"

"Ugly?"

"Hey! Do you _see_ these muscles?" Danny flexed his arms through his hazmat suit to prove his point. "Girls would be all over this."

"Sorry to break it to you, Phantom, but no sane human girl would ever fall for a _ghost_."

"Well _I'm_ sorry to break it to you, but apparently you live in a town full of insane women."

"And then there's the matter of your hair," Maddie continued, ignoring the ghost boy's protests. "Did your mother never teach you how to use a comb before you died?"

"No, my mom was too busy trying to kill me to have time to teach me about proper grooming techniques," Danny said, grinning.

Maddie scoffed. "Well that confirms my theory as to why you try to terrorize everyone around you! You must have had poor parents."

"I love my parents," Danny said stiffly, caught in between a giggle and a frown. "And I do _not_ terrorize people. I'm not blasting you off this roof right now, am I?"

"Is that a threat?" Maddie shot back, aiming the weapon at the boy's head.

Danny held up his arms in surrender. "Not at all. I'm just trying to prove I'm not as evil as everyone says I am."

"What about the mayor incident?" Maddie interjected quickly.

Danny rolled his eyes, surprising her. "_Again _with the mayor thing? Unless you're talking about the current one, to which I would say he fully deserves whatever comes his way."

Maddie retreated a couple of feet. "What do you have against Vlad Masters?"

Danny laughed. "More than you'd believe. Or what I can tell you," he added seriously.

Maddie's eyes narrowed as she refocused the tip of her ecto-gun towards his head. "So you enjoy attacking local politicians and have the arrogance of a typical human teenage boy. What else don't we know about you?"

"Do you _honestly _believe I'd just spew random information about myself to a ghost hunter?"

"Couldn't hurt to ask," Maddie shrugged, charging up her weapon in preparation to fire. "Though if you know what's good for you, you'd answer me this, ghost boy: why are you on the roof of Fenton Works?"

Danny bit his lip. "Seemed like a good place to rest before another ghost attacks?"

Maddie didn't look convinced. "You are aware, of course, that my husband and I are professional ghost hunters and will do anything to keep our family safe, even if it means obliterating Amity Park's so-called 'hero'?"

Danny threw his hands above his head in exasperation. "For the millionth time, M-_Maddie_, I wasn't attacking or doing anything to harm the Fentons! Why the grudge?"

"My family-"

"You wouldn't have your family if it weren't for me," Danny snapped. Then he froze, realizing how much he had potentially given away. His arms retracted to his sides at once and his cheeks went pink. "I mean-"

"What are you talking about?"

"I protect this town and the people in it, including the Fentons," Danny rushed, hoping to distract her from fully processing the information he had slipped. "Whether you call me 'putrid protoplasm' or 'Inviso-Bill' or- heaven forbid, my _real_ name, Danny _Phantom_- I'll continue to do what I do regardless. You and Jack can hunt me all you want, but if you destroy me, you'll have a lot more than just ghost attacks to worry about."

Maddie stared at him, her jaw drooping slightly. She'd never seen such a rant come from anyone before, let alone Amity Park's infamous ghost hero.

Taking this moment of silence as an opportunity to escape, Danny continued, "Now if you don't mind, I'm starving, so I'm going to get dinner and maybe we can finish this conversation later."

With that, Danny flew into the clouds and out of sight before turning invisible and flying home, transforming when he entered his room. The casserole in the oven was burning; he could smell the smoke from his room.

Back on the roof, Maddie stared at the sky to where the ghost boy had disappeared, with just a single thought going through her mind: _Ghosts can eat?_

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><p><strong>What'd you think? Funny? Lame? Good? I'd love some feedback :)<strong>


	2. In the Park

**This silly author was having too much fun writing Maddie/Danny banter last chapter that she forgot to really flesh out the reason why this story has its title in the first place! So, good news for you readers, it's now a two-shot instead of the one-shot I had originally planned. Thank you for your comments, I enjoyed reading them :)**

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><p>Danny was hiding in a tree. He had invisibility powers, yes, but right now he was tired and clearly not thinking enough to actually <em>use them<em>. He had battled Skulker not once, not twice, not even three but _four_ times already today and he had yet to capture the ghost in the thermos. The ghost wasn't normally this elusive, but Danny was at his wit's end today. Skulker's ability to escape had vastly improved since their last encounter last week.

Now, he was sitting in a rotting tree, trying to stay on the lookout for the ghost and recharge at the same time. It had to be past seven o'clock by now, judging by the purple sky above. Danny yawned.

"You never did explain how ghosts are like onions," a voice sudden came from down below. Startled, Danny jumped up and hit his head on a branch. Gasping in pain, he fell ten feet and hit one of the tree's roots that had been poking through the grass on impact.

When his vision started to clear, he saw none other than his mom, leaning against the tree trunk, smirking at him.

"How did you find me?" Danny asked as he pulled himself to his feet and visually searched her for hidden weapons.

Maddie held up her Ecto Tracking Device in response then frowned at him. "How can you fall out of a tree if you're not bound by gravity?"

"You scared me," Danny said defensively. Then, realizing how ridiculous that must have sounded- Maddie looked quite amused herself- he added, "I'm just clumsy-"

He trailed off. _Get a hold of yourself, Fenton! Danny Phantom is _not_ clumsy!_

"Why are you here?" he asked irritably. He didn't like feeling a lack of confidence while in ghost mode, and allowing his mom to see him stuttering like this wasn't going to do him any favors.

"The onions," Maddie said simply.

"I'm not a gardener."

Maddie put her hands on her hips indignantly. "Phantom, last time I saw you, you mentioned something about how ghosts were like onions. I don't understand the connection, to be honest."

Danny eyed her warily. "Is this a trap?"

"Do you see any weapons?"

"I don't. That's what worries me."

Maddie smirked again. "No weapons here except for your _Fenton_ thermos, which, by the way, I'd like to know how you came to acquire it."

"I found it…in the garbage?"

Maddie didn't look convinced, so Danny hurried along. "So you want to know why I think ghosts aren't so bad?"

"Besides from the fact that you are one," Maddie added for him.

"Of course. Well, for one, we have emotions."

"Vegetables don't have emotions."

"I meant different sides then!" Danny growled, sick of his mom interrupting him every few seconds. "On the outface, we seem scary and evil, but the deeper you go…well, maybe we're not so bad."

"I'm still not seeing the connection."

"Then stop interrupting me and maybe you'll get it," Danny cringed, knowing if Danny _Fenton_ had said that to his mom, he would have been toast. But his ghost half's relationship with his mom was the complete opposite of the mother/son relationship he had, so it was hard to define what was disrespectful and what was not.

"Some people like me and support me-"

"Like who?" Maddie asked, unable to help herself. She closed her mouth at the ghost boy's annoyed look, but he remained relatively calm.

"I have friends. Some human, some not. Then there are people like you, who hate my guts. I guess it's all a matter of what your 'tastes' are," Danny finished lamely. He knew he was becoming more incoherent by the minute, but he was determined to finally tell his mom how he felt about being cast as the town's evil monster.

"And you know how cutting up onions make you cry?" Danny asked before hastily adding, "I mean, _if_ you c-cook because it-it's not like I watch you while you're in the kitchen or anything…"

Maddie looked bewildered. Laughing nervously, Danny continued. "Well, same for me. Sorta. You and Jack want nothing more than to cut me up, molecule by molecule, but you know, I don't think that would end too happily for anyone. _Especially me,_" Danny muttered under his breath.

Maddie stared at him. Danny looked away, not liking the feeling of being observed so closely.

"So uh, that's it. Sorry I'm not making much sense," he said, rubbing the back of his neck like he always did when he was in an awkward spot.

"You're not, but I think I understand anyway," Maddie said evenly. "I still don't have much sympathy for a ghost."

"And I'm not asking for any. I just wanted you to, I don't know, hear me out."

"Though if my husband and I were to stop hunting you- hypothetically speaking, of course-"

"Of course," Danny echoed.

"-what ghost do you think ought to be tracked down? One that's more evil than you?" Maddie said, almost winking as she said it.

Danny grinned. "Easy. His name's Plasmius. _Vlad_-" he let the name hang in the air for a few seconds before continuing, "Plasmius."

Maddie frowned in concentration. "The Wisconsin Ghost, correct?"

"Yes, but for _no apparent reason_, he showed up in Amity Park exactly three weeks ago and has been here ever since," Danny replied slyly.

Maddie noted this down in a notepad than looked back up to Danny. "Interesting information, Phantom." Then her serious expression gave way to a soft smile. "If you'd like, you should come over for dinner so we can discuss this Plasmius ghost further. My husband isn't home, Jazz is probably studying, and my son is so clueless that he'd probably not even notice your presence."

Danny glared at her. _I would too!_ he wanted to say, though that led down all sorts of bad paths, so instead he replied, "That sounds nice, uh, Maddie, but I really have to go track down Skulker, so…"

Danny floated up into the air, above her head. The invite was nice, but he wasn't ready to reveal this much yet. Oh sure, he'd slip her as much information as he possibly could about Vlad, but not directly.

"Thanks though!"

An hour later after flying away from her at the park, Danny walked into the kitchen and over to his mom, who was attempting to make hamburgers. He came up from behind her and hugged her around her waist.

"What was that for?" she asked, ruffling his messy black hair. Her baby boy could be so random at times!

"Just…felt like it, I guess," Danny said, grinning. He turned to take the glasses of water over to the table but suddenly tripped on one of his untied shoelaces, spewing the contents everywhere and shattering the cups.

"Danny! Are you okay?" Maddie rushed over to pick her son up before the glass shards could splinter his delicate skin.

Seeing the mess in front of him, Danny sighed. "Just clumsy."

Maddie stared at him as he went down the steps to the lab in search of a broom and pan. A feeling of déjà vu was coming over her, but she couldn't pinpoint the source. Shrugging to herself, she went back to cutting the onions for the burgers. Hopefully someday, her son would gain a little sturdiness and self-confidence.

Seeing Danny trip up the stairs out of the corner of her eyes, Maddie chuckled quietly. _Ha, that'll be the day!_

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><p><strong>Okay, I think that ends the story. Not sure if I should do a 'sequel' (in the form of a revelation one-shot maybe?) but I'll definitely be writing more MaddieDanny drabbles in the future, guaranteed. And, as always, reviews of all kinds are greatly appreciated and adored :)**


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